Last night, my friend Jackie confided in me about a traumatic experience in her teen-age years, and–I confess–I made the same intentionally sympathetic mistake with words that I have so often heard in my life with a disability: “I’m sorry that happened to you,” I said.

Of course I see the good intention: these people who have said it to me wanted to show sympathy about my head injury accident, just as I had good intentions for Jackie. But I can’t help thinking ‘Hey! I think I turned out pretty well despite it!’ I guess what bothers me is that I’m not completely sorry the accident happened to me (and I just plain don’t like pity!) The accident, and the daily hardships I struggle through, make me who I am; and I don’t feel reduced or cheated out of anything. My mind just never wanders into thinking about the alternative, I guess, and that courage to keep looking ahead is also what has made Jackie a better Jackie.

Jackie and I have learned to make the most out of what could have been tragic, life-changing occurrences, and we are someone else besides who we could have been. But I like the undaunted Jackie whom I am fortunate to befriend and learn from. And I like the Elizabeth I’ve become too. I guess the effects of Jackie’s and my past situations still suck, but nothing can drastically change the Jackie and Elizabeth that God set us on the course to become.

Please see my post Defined by Defiance in the ‘Coping Mechanisms and Other Crutches’  category.